英作文添削「紙の本かe-ブックか」(2)

Which do you prefer, paper or e-books? の第2回目です。今回は第3段落から。

①Second, ordinary paper books may become something to remember may past days. ②A lot of people who love books can remember their past looking at a large number of books. ③For example, a few days ago, I found my favorite history novels written by Ryotaro Shiba, which I read when I was a high school student. ④They were old, and their colors were changed because I spilt water on them. ⑤I read my favorite parts again and again, and remembered by high school days. ⑥With e-books, it may be hard to have this experience, because book data is recorded neatly, and users can search for any title immediately, and I feel that it deprives of a fun to find old books in a large book cases. ⑦For this, paper books are preferable to remember my pleasant days in the past. 

①については、reminds me of を使えば、簡単に言えます。ordinary paper books may rmind me of my past days.

②は、①と内容的に同じことなので省いてしまいましょう。

③which でつないでしまうと文が長く感じるので、これをとり、Shiba, I read them when..

④They were old にしてしまうと、過去においてその本は古かったことになりますから、ここはare になおします。colors were changed もwere を have に直しておきましょう。水をこぼしたのも昔の話。I spilt を I had spilt に。

⑤はこのままで良いです。

⑥With ..で始めたのは大変良いですね。最後の節、and をwhich に直した後、I feel takes (=which の動詞になるわけです) away from the fun of finding old books in large book cases. (そのことが本棚から古い本を見つけ出す楽しみを奪ってしまう、とわたしは感じている)。

⑦For this を、「この理由のために」を明確に打ち出すためdue to this にするとよい。preferable の後は「過去の楽しい日々を思い出すよすがとして」という意味なので、to 以下をin that they help me to fondly remember my past.としてみました。in that は節を続けて「・・の点において」fondly はin a way that shows great affection の意味です。

第4段落は次の通り。
①For these reasons, I prefer traditional reading style, even though I recognize that it is more convenient to read e-books than old ones. ②A lot of people predict that paper books will disappear, however, I hope that publishers continue to release paper books in the future.

どんなところを修正できるか、考えてみましょう。(つづく)

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